Motivation

I find myself having a lack of motivation.

My plan according to my last post was to start doing yoga again and do this 30 day yoga challenge to get the ball rolling on my quest to be healthier and happier by the time I turn 30 but I have not really done well with it. And by that I mean I basically haven't done anything. I did one day of yoga when I did my post and then yesterday morning I was only able to convince myself to do 15 minutes of the 30 minute video for day 2. That's not so good.

I started trying to figure out why I have this lack of motivation and why I am so gung-ho about getting started doing things and then that intensity sort of diminishes quickly and I don't really think I have an answer. 

I am tired. All the time. Not just like physically but mentally as well. I need a partner when I want to do things because otherwise I won't be able to get myself to follow through. Maybe that is the problem. My follow-through. Or lack of follow-through. 

I am doing some research on motivation. Maybe that will help me to understand how to get motivated and stay motivated.

Time for a change

I am turning 30 this year. The big 3-0. Leaving my 20's behind. Becoming an adult. No longer a child. The time when I am supposed to start lying about my age, at least according to some sectors of society.

This has been hitting me harder and harder with each passing day and while I know that age is just a number and it really doesn't mean anything, I find myself starting to look more at myself than I have in years past. I am really starting to examine me and try to figure out who this person is that I see in the mirror each morning.

I started this by making doctors appointments so that I can know that at least the person I see in the mirror is healthy. I have been to my primary doctor twice so far this year and will have another appointment later this year. I also went to the dentist, something I haven't done in way too long, and found out that I have to get at least 1 if not both of my wisdom teeth removed. So I scheduled that as well.

I have been trying to be healthy or at least healthier for the last couple months. I am trying to eat healthier and get more exercise. I have been busing to work 1) because its good for me and 2) because Nick uses the car to get to work. I like it most of the time and then there are other times....

I am also trying to do yoga more. I have found that I really like yoga as long as it is in the privacy of my own house when no one else is around. I am not self conscious about a ton of stuff but yoga is definitely something that I am. I found a video series on Youtube that I really like and have just started a 30 Days of Yoga and I like the woman who makes the series so I am excited to see how it goes. For the most part I think the next few posts are going to be mostly about this yoga series and how long my body will let me keep doing it.

Like this morning for instance. Day 1.

I got up and made lunch for Nick and then once he left I had a cup of coffee and searched around for yoga poses to do during the morning that aren't going to completely kill me but will allow me to easy back into daily yoga and meditation. I stumbled upon this 30 day challenge and decided to embark on it.

I am sore. I have not been doing as much stretching as I mean to do so I don't think I was really prepared to take on a challenge like this but that's alright. Each series is only about 30 minutes so that was helpful. I found muscles that I do not think I have used a lot recently, so that was fun. I had a hard time keeping focused on my breathing so I know I need to work on that more. But I was able to center myself with deep breaths which I did not think I would be able to do, so that was good to learn.

I will probably be more sore in the morning. I did a few poses I have no done in quite some time but I am excited to see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully it will be easy to get up early and do this series instead of staying in bed until the last possible second and then rushing to get ready and have to do the series in the evening.

Wish me luck just as I wish you luck in your endeavors!

Frustrations

I don't want to do this anymore.

I am tired.

I am hurt.

I am annoyed.

I am lost.

I want things to be different but I fear they never will be.

I am unfocused.

I am unrealistic.

I am sore.

I am weak.

I am unmoving.

I am reaching out for something that may never be.

I am trying.

I am stronger than I think.

I am growing.

I am not alone.

Life's distractions

Life is an abstract and we are writing the body of the paper.

Have you ever thought about life like it was a scientific paper you are trying to publish? It would go something like this:

Introduction/Background (childhood)

Name:
Age:
Sex:
Highest Education Level:
Career:
Life Goals:

Methods (college years and beginning adulthood)

How are you making money?
How are you sustaining you life?
How will marriage and children effect your life?
What are you doing to stay happy?

Results (middle age)

How did you make money?
How did you live?

Discussion (old age to death)

Were you happy?
What advice would you give to others based on your life?

If life were only so easy as to be able to write a paper about it.

But it's not. It's hard and messy and painful and gratifying and terrible and amazing and heartbreaking and filled with joy all at the same time.

I am struggling and I am tired.

Life always seems to get in the way...

So far I have completed very little on my week 1 list for getting myself organized. This saddens me. So I am not allowing myself to move on to week 2 UNTIL I get my week 1 self in order. That is my new goal this week, and I fully intend to stick with everything that is on my list.
Starting something new is the hardest thing because I am super gung-ho about it in the beginning but then I am just sort of..... blaaah.... after the first day or two. Its tough to keep things going and change the routine. Somehow I am going to do it though. I am determined.
Life always seems to get in the way. I know that its not possible to change life and make it not get in the way but I always seem to have a hard time not letting life get me down. That's another reason why I am trying to get myself all organized because then I will be better equipped to handle anything that life throws at me. So I think I will drink my soda and take a shower and let myself relax and then tomorrow I will start anew. :-)

Beginnings are scary...

Recently I painted the walls of my room. I am not finished yet but its a beginning. It feels like a clean slate. I finally feel like I am going to be able to start over.

I bought a book a few months back. Organize, Now! by Jennifer Ford Berry. It is a week-by-week guide to simplify your space and your life. I am trying to use it to figure out a path in life. I want to get to a place where I am confident and comfortable in my own skin and my own life. This book has some really interesting points in it. 

The first section looks at the basics of organization. Berry takes a look at clutter and ways to deal with clutter. She also goes into the psychology of clutter and ways to reduce the amount of clutter that you have in your house. She makes some good points about figuring out the functions of each room in your house and how to rethink spaces that maybe are not being used practically. 

Then Berry goes into the scary part of the book. The week by week planner. She starts off simple, or so I thought. Organize Your Mind. This is where I am right now. I am in week 1 of my, hopefully, life altering book. My goals this week?

1. Get a minimum of 7 hours of sleep per night.
2. Start my day by jotting down a short To Do list of everything to be accomplished that day.
3. Start a journal.
4. Limit the amount of TV watched.
5. Schedule a 2 minute break 2-3 times a day to spend time alone and just be.
6. Practice meditating.
7. Schedule time to exercise.
8. Schedule more "me time".
9. Eliminate energy drainers in my life: clutter, unhealthy relationships, unfinished projects, items on my To Do list that dont need to be done until other tasks are completed.
10. Take control of my time.

Sounds simple enough right? Well stay tuned to find out how well I am doing.